Counting Down The Days

Slacking

2009-09-23T03:03:00.000-07:00

Well darlings! What was the come back of the year has some what subsided a little! I’ve failed to post for 17 days now! I know you’re thinking WTF? I was on a role 3 posts in 4 days and then nothing!

I must confess I had a tiny problem with plumbing! Oh no darlings don’t worry this pussy is in full working order! We’ve just had a lot of work done to the house over the past couple of weeks I’ve not been able to blog as often as I wished! Let me tell you my fellow pussies I had many an idea during the course of the floorboards being pulled up, pipes being laid and now when it come to an abundance of time I have nothing! Not one single thing!

So darlings I’m not really sure what my point is other than to tell you I’m still here just emotionally retarded at the moment! My brains such a scrabble I have no idea what I’m doing! I’ll leave you with a quote from my gorgeous self!

"Oh you know inwardly crushed with an age defying exterior"

Facial Hair

2009-09-05T07:55:00.001-07:00

How are you my fellow pussies on this fine British summer’s day? Well let’s just say it was until the dear Lord decided to covers us with clouds!

I have a rather delicate matter to discus with you today darlings! Facial hair! Now let’s get one thing straight, I DO NOT HAVE FACIAL HAIR! It really does bother me when I see these young pussies gallivanting about with more facial hair than some guys I know! Such times remind me of the bearded lady!What a beauty she was darlings until somethning rather unfortunate happened. *Evil laugh*

Thinking about it now should have been a totally bitch, wait I am a totally bitch! Bearded ladies these not excuse for such beardedness! After all darling you can pluck, shave, wax, electrolysis. The list goes on and on! So If I see you walking around with facial hair I'll direct you to the nearest beautician!

I'm off to get a manicure now! xx

What am I doing??

2009-09-03T13:40:00.000-07:00

Twice in one week, aren't you lucky darlings! Once again I seem to have lost my train of thought. No matter after all I do have my good looks to fall back on, not everyone can say that!

Would you believe it the ROC is still with us? I know I was shocked too when I turned up for work and saw her from behind. Not a picture you really want in before you eat! My immediate thought was finger, through, blush repeat!

I’ll leave you with this final gem from the number on source of entertainment that is the ROC!

"The unique thing about Parker pens is you have to keep the lid on or they dry up."

A Former Darling Tries Again!

2009-09-02T04:34:00.000-07:00

Yes that’s right bitches Pussy is back! After a 27 month break and hundreds* of letters begging me to start blogging again I’ve taken the plunge and will attempt to write once more!

There have been many rumours going around about why I’ve been absent for so long but being locked up and used as a sex slave in a Taiwanese jail** is not the one! At this point I’m not willing to disuse such matters!

I know you’re looking at this blog and thinking same old shite, well you could be right! I promise you this should have been a glamorous affair and a bitchin new look, but you just can’t get the staff these days! And until I figure these things out for myself this place is going to stay looking like a dump!

You know I’ve kinda forgotten what I was going to post about! So I’ll have to make a comeback some other time!

Laters bitches!

Love Pussy xx

Tip of The Day: Never wear flats, you look shite in them! *kisses*

*okay maybe only one person
** May actually be true! :o

LEO

2007-05-07T16:09:00.000-07:00

OMG could this be the best ever horoscope!

"With the Sun, your ruler, focusing on public acclaim, and ambitious Mars highlighting business and financial affairs, fame and fortune beckon. But don't sit back and wait for your star quality to be recognised when, with loquacious Mercury about to move in your favour, you can shout it from the rooftops. You are already ahead of the game – so stay there."

So darlings, fame and fortune beckon eh! Does this mean I have to get this done by the end of the week when the next weekly horoscopes is published?? If that is so I better get a move on! Any ideas??

Garden Centre Ornaments (Gorgeous)

2007-02-19T06:19:00.000-08:00

Happy 21st Mischa Barton

2007-01-24T13:42:00.000-08:00

The Retarded Cow Diaries (what fire extinguisher shall I use???)

2007-01-20T13:24:00.000-08:00

Yes bitches the retarded old cow is back! I bet you thought she died or something! Alas she is still fighting fit and retarded as ever.

Working in such an establishment as I do we need to have the right fire extinguisher, just in case someone is really retarded and lights a fire or maybe something other heats! I think you get the picture!

During your lifetime at our work place you will need to fill out several times a fire quiz which asked really dumb questions like "what do you do if you see a fire?" Look the other way! Or perhaps push the retarded old cow into it!

So we all get you have different extinguishers for different fires!

So when my manager pointed to the red one, what to do think the retarded old cow said she would use it on???

"i'll use the water one on water fires"

Dear lord please don't let there ever be a fire when she's around.

The Retarded Cow Diaries: featuring Hilly (this time last year)

2007-01-15T12:29:00.000-08:00

Okay so I bet your thinking the retarded cow has done something really stupid again this week, well not yet. She had the day off on Monday when I was in so I'll have to wait until Thursday for anything really good.

However this week for the first time I bring you Hilly, she's trying to give the retarded old cow a run for her money today. Here's what the delightful teenager had to say:

"This time last year it was my Birthday"

Clever you! Yes friends Hilly is 18 today Happy Birthday sweetie. How the hell did you make it all these years???

Is it me or am I really a bitch??

The retarded Cow Diaries: featuring Betty (will they drown?)

2007-01-03T03:03:00.000-08:00

Again I bring you news of another person, but it’s just as funny. This time I would like you guys to meet Betty, I can’t believe she comes from the same bloodline!

Let’s set the scene: My brother had some sea monkeys in the world’s smallest tank and all they seem to do is shit and swim all day long! The tank at this point is half empty. The ever helpful Betty comes out with the following:

Betty: Don’t you need to fill that with water?

Brother: Er.. Yeah I will.

At this point my brother has water for the tank.

Betty: Won’t they drown when you the poor the water one them??

Now I start laughing and my sister with her brain in full working order works out what she’s just said!

Happy 26th Jake Gyllenhaal

2006-12-19T14:01:00.000-08:00

Jake can be seen in Zodiac which is out next year March the16th. What’s it about I hear you ask?? Thanks to IMBd for this:

A serial killer in the San Francisco Bay Area taunts police with his letters and cryptic messages. We follow the investigators and reporters in this lightly fictionalized account of the true 1970's case as they search for the murderer, becoming obsessed with the case. Based on Robert Graysmith's book, the movie's focus is the lives and careers of the detectives and newspaper people.

The Retarded Cow Diaries (How did you ever survive?)

2006-12-18T13:41:00.000-08:00

Ever two weeks the card rep comes to our store and likes to have a chat with everyone before she starts work. Who should she find on entering the staffroom?? None other that the retarded old cow, who then started the following conversation:

ROC: Oooh... food. It's the best part of life!

Card Rep: Oh I know!

ROC: Mind you, when I was a young girl, I used to have a plate of beans on toast every Sunday, and that would see me right through the week.

Card Rep: You only had one meal a week?

ROC: Yeah.

Card Rep: How did you manage on just one plate of beans on toast a week?

ROC: I dunno, I just did. I didn't need a lot of food in those days. I was a size 8 at the time though, so it's not like I was skinny, skinny though or anything.

Card Rep: ... Yeah.

Mischa Barton eats more than beans on toast once a week and she's a size 0! If you really did eat one meal a week, you would have been "six feet under" by now!

Conversation stolen from my friend's web page! I was too lazy to type it up! Shush! She'll never know!

The Retarded Cow Diaries (who was murdered first?)

2006-12-11T14:59:00.000-08:00

Hello friends, it's been a while I know! Today we have news on the retarded old cow.

Due to recent News (read here) events the following happened:

Being on my lunch with the manager and the retarded old cow was to prove enenfully indeed and to show us that The retarded old cow thought she would give Jessica Fletcher a run for her money!

Manager: Do we know anything more about these Prostitutes?? Were they all found at the same time?

Retarded old cow: Err, no the first one was found first and err….

At this point she ran out the room as she was late off her break. Now I can tell you as soon as she said the first one I knew I was about to laugh, so can you guess what happened next?? I started laughing while she was still in the room. However at this point I had to put my head in my hands and make it less obvious! She was so going on to say the second one was murdered second! What a thick twat!

Happy 72nd Brithday Judi Dench

2006-12-09T12:14:00.000-08:00

Yes friends Dame Judi is 72 today and can currently be seen in Casino Royale

Hazardous Substances

2006-11-22T07:59:00.000-08:00

So it will comes as no surprise that the workplace has stringent rules when it comes to chemicals. This is covered under the following act Control of Substances Hazardous to Health – COSHH.

This quote I give you comes direct from the retarded old cow herself regarding the word "Bleach" Yes bitches this is banned. Does anyone out there know why??? Answer on a postcard please.

According to the retarded old cow this is the reason we're not allowed to use bleach:

"We're not allowed to use bleach because someone committed suicide with it in one of the shop I expect"

So it's nothing to do with mixing it with other chemicals that makes it really dangerous then? Let me now point out we have to fill in forms based on the COSHH act telling us what we can and can't use at work.

Now this is the fucking reason we have such acts, due to the general retarded-ness of people. Also the reason Health and Safety was invented. I'm pretty sure the retarded old cow come under Health and Safety Act and should be removed with immediate effect from our shop

The Retarded Cow Diaries (the day I woke up dead!)

2006-11-14T08:21:00.000-08:00

My new feature, in fact the only one on this blog will be "the retarded cow diaries" I know such a clever title took me hours to think of. Just to keep you going I bring you this story.

The Day I woke up dead!

I know your're already thinking WTF?? Or maybe not! This is the retarded old cow we are talking about! One day last week the retarded old cow informed us that she woke up and had stopped breathing. She also went on to say she couldn't start breathing now that she had stopped! How her brain knew she wasn't breathing I have no idea. She then went on to say she must have thought she wasn't breathing even though she was, are you following so far??

The bottom line is if she stopped breathing she would not have been in work telling us this lovely story! Oh and if you want her helpful advise if you stop breathing even though you really are, go and see a doctor! Just a thought, how long does it take to see a doctor if you stop breathing?? Do you ring up and say: please can I have an appointment today as I've stopped breathing?? Please if you're a doctor can I have your professional opinion?

Happy 24th Anne Hathaway

2006-11-12T11:59:00.000-08:00

Check out Anne Hathaway in these films, The Devil Wears Prada and Brokeback Mountain.

Unfortunate Accident, Well Some People Might Say That! (Again)

2006-11-06T12:52:00.000-08:00

Oh this Yes if there was anything that would bring a smile back to your face, this is it! The Retarded old cow is back with yet another entry on the blog. I really should rename it retarded old cow. She must have generated more column inches than anyone else.

So I know you dieing to hear what happened last week! Well she had another accident and this time I missed it but it was oh so funny. So she was granted the luxury of checking of stock and managed to get her foot caught, then twisted around and fall into a skip! This lovely picture was drawn by Debs.

Some People Are So Repulsive

2006-11-01T13:36:00.000-08:00

Okay so it’s been a while but my fellow bloggers I bring you news of the retarded old cow. I know many of you were upset after her little fall but as I did inform you she was back with us. Now may I take this optimality to warm you with the following words: nasty, vile, disgusting, mingin, revolting, repulsive, ghastly, filthy, sordid, nauseating and repellent. Yes these are some of the words I would use to describe her with!

So the retarded old cow has been telling us for some time that after she came back from her holiday she developed a rash over most of her body! I know you don’t even want to picture it. Hey, you don’t know what she looks like so you are very lucky!

After a visit to the hairdresser the best course of action the now qualified doctor could come up with was to pee in a pot and wash that over your arms and in your hair! So today I bring you more news a direct quote from a friend who loves her as much as I do “Delivery! Mad old bat never shut up though - even when there was no one there! And she splashed her bum with pee last night. She caught it in her hand when she was on the loo and chucked it up on her arse. She's such a minger!”

I leave you with these happy thought and wish you a nice day! Feel free to google "pissing on yourself", although I have this feeling you’ll come up with some even nastier that the events above! I also though it best that I not post a picture this time around!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

2006-10-31T09:12:00.000-08:00

Trick or Treat???

Yes my dahlines its All-hallow-eve, oh spooky! Yes bitches Halloween originated as a Pagan festival from theCelts of Ireland and Great Britain and was formed a very long time ago!. Not from the U.S as most people think! Immigrants transported versions of the tradition to North America in the 19th century. Most other Western countries have embraced Halloween as a part of American pop culture in the late 20th century. Having said all that i bet Debs comes along and tell me different, lets not listen to what she has to say if that happens ;-)

How's Your Karma?

2006-10-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

You Have Fantastic Karma

You are a kind, sensitive, and giving person.And all your good deeds will pay off - if they haven't already.But you're not so concerned with what you get in return anyway.You have an innate caring nature - and nothing can change that!

How's Your Karma?

The Devil Wears Prada

2006-10-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

This week saw the return of Orange Wednesdays with a brilliant choice of film on offer this week. The Devil Wears Prada starting Oscar winner Meryl Streep and Brokeback Mountain Anne Hathaway. Streep plays Miranda Priestley demanding fashion editor of “Runway”, if you thought your boss was a bitch, Watch a real bitch in action. Enter Hathaway a young journalist who has no fashion sense and doesn’t even know who Miranda is! WTF?? I thought the first rule of applying for a job is do a little research for the post, you would have thought being a journalist she would know this! This movie is so funny and full of laughs, Even though Miranda is over the top in her demands and makes everyone feel like shit, you can’t help but love her.

Take a look at the website HERE.

I’m afraid I don’t really have anything exciting to report from this cinema experience, No weirdoes this time! That’s all! “Bore someone else with your questions”

Happy 81st Birthday Angela Lansbury

2006-10-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

It’s hard to believe that Angela Lansbury is 81 today. This recent photo was taken last year with Emma Thompson. Doesn’t she look good?? She recently leant her to the movie Kingdom Hearts II, having said that I think it’d out over here at the end of the month! The last time we saw her in a movie was Nanny McPhee

I have to say that I love "Murder, She Wrote" which she made 12 seasons of, way back in 1984 when it all began she was paid $300,000 per episode. Now times that by 24 episodes a season, then 12 seasons, what do you get??? Okay so it’s late and I can’t be bothered to work that out! All I know is it’s a shit load of money! Also she had a number of "Murder, She Wrote" films which she must have been paid more for!

Bring back "Murder, She Wrote" that’s all I can say! They make great afternoon fills! Best student TV ever!

Slap Your Co-Worker Day

2006-10-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

Have anyone in mind? Dude how long do you have???

Today is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:

Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't care about? Yes

Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Yes

Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty; you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Yes

Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it? Yes

Well, I am so very glad to officially announce Today as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY!

Here are the rules you must follow:
* You can only slap one person per hour - no more.
* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.
* No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.

If questioned by a supervisor, you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE! Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of , and get to slapping.....and have a great day! *

*Please note NRM does not take responsibility for those of you who choose to slap the fucker that deserves it! Also these rules may not apply in a court of law. Enjoy!

On A High Kate Moss, WTF???

2006-10-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

Madonna has been named as the second most influential celebrity in the world. I know your asking what fucker beat her right, well that would be none other than coke sorting Kate Moss. My fellow Brits came up with this list, analysing countless media articles. What it must be to sit down at your desk reading Hello magazine trying to work out if Kate Moss is more influential than any other celebrity in the land!

You better know your self Kate, this bitch can fight!

Happy 57th Birthday Sigourney Weaver

2006-10-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

Why Is She So Stupid???

2006-10-05T12:28:00.000-07:00

I know many of you were quite upset about the retarded old cow’s unfortunate accident, I bring you news. I would like to take this opportunity to tell you the retarded old cow successfully managed to pick up the phone every day and say she wasn’t coming in.

Commonsense would tell you, you don’t have to ring on the day you don’t work. So what do you think happen last Saturday???

Manager: Hello.

ROC: Hi, err just letting you know I’m still unwell and not coming into work!

Manager: What you doing??

ROC: Ringing in sick!

Manager: But you don’t work Saturdays!

ROC: So I didn’t have to ring in then!

Manager: Err no!

ROC: So I don’t have to ring tomorrow then?? (meaning Sunday)

Manager: No.

ROC: Bye then!

Manager: Bye.

Need i say more?

Happy 60th Birthday Susan Sarandon

2006-10-04T09:03:00.000-07:00

I bet shes thinking " Wish you looked this good bitch?" I would be if i was her!

Unfortunate Accident, Well Some People Might Say That!

2006-10-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hello friends I bring you news on the retarded old cow. It’s been a while as I last reported she was off on her holidays and to everyone’s dismay she did not get lost in Spain.

Our prayers were answered in a form of an unfortunate accident that happened in the stock room involving a steep stool, due to lack of height. A wooden pallet, and a skip and no it’s not one of those massive things you put rubbish in. You’re still thinking WTF right? Well it’s a large plastic box about a meter long. Let’s just say if you fell on it, it would hurt.

Let’s just say she slipped and fell onto the pallet and skip hitting her head and landing on her back. Full details of the event were to follow when retarded old cow managed to roll over and eventually make it up the stairs were she told her story. Upon discussion with the manager she was carted off to hospital in a taxi were she was given the all clear but has been unable to return back to work since Thursday.

NRM’s Palace Part I

2006-09-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago NRM visited his stately home, wait a minute! Make that palace. That’s right my friends I have millions in the bank and a palace to prove it! And you thought I lived in a regular house!

All started well although for some reason I had stupidly given my driver the day off which meant I had to take the bus. Once we arrived American tourists took our photo outside the gates! At the checkpoint it was a different story, the bitch made me pay, I swiftly showed him my student card which gave us special rates. Don’t worry he’s no longer working there!

Take a look, can you see anyone else in the picture! I think not apart from the gardener on the left in the middle of the lawn!

The Black Dahlia

2006-09-26T07:17:00.000-07:00

The latest film to tick of the list was The Black Dahlia and tomorrow’s choice is likely to be Children and Men. Ste in the 1940s this film is based on a true unsolved murder. Elizabeth Short is the main focus of two LA cops trying to solve her Murder and the will they won’t they between Hartnett and Johansson.

Much of the focus has been put and the Hartnett/Johansson performances personally I think Swank puts on a good show as Madeleine Linscott. I got to see the cameo of McGowan which was a measly couple of minutes.

The was a pretty good movie and you have to stay alert while watching as you may miss vital information which occurs right at the time you turn to say something to your friend! This movie was strangely familiar, especially towards the end of the film I could have sawn I’ve seen bits of it before. How can that be when this is a new film??? Although come to think of it something like this must have been shown on TV or a film made under a different name!

Thought For The Day

2006-09-25T10:38:00.000-07:00

Happy Times

2006-09-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

So I had a post all ready made up and ready to go! When blogger is being a twat again and not letting me up load a picture I want to show you! So this other entry will have to do! I’m getting the champagne out for this one.

The retarded old cow that works with me and the other unfortunate people is on holiday this week. Oh the quite is so good! She was being such a cow last Thursday before she was off! Saying how we are going to get all the students back and she will miss it! Just to inform you the week she comes back id the busiest week of the year when taking triple and the shop is filled with fuckers buying things! WFT? Just so you know retarded old cow you will come back just at the right time (*evil laugh*).

On another happy note Happy 72nd Birthday Sophia Loren. This picture was taken some point this year i think!

Anne Bancroft (1931-2005)

2006-09-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

Anne Bancroft was born on this day, but sadly passed away from uterine cancer on the 6th June 2005. It kinda made me sad for some reason today when I looked at IMBd and saw that it would have been her 75th birthday.

So here are a few facts taken from IMBd:

In 1999, she became the fifteenth performer to win the Triple Crown of acting. Oscar: Best Actress, The Miracle Worker (1962), Tonys: Best Supporting Actress-Play, 'Two for the Seesaw' (1958) & Best Actress-Play, 'The Miracle Worker' (1960), and Emmy: Best Supporting Actress-Miniseries/Movie, Deep in My Heart (1999) (TV).

One of only eight actors to have won both a Tony and an Oscar for having portrayed the same roles on stage and screen.

She also got a couple of moths with her Grandson who was born last April.

Quote:

"Life is here only to be lived so that we can, through life, earn the right to death, which to me is paradise. Whatever it is that will bring me the reward of paradise, I'll do the best I can."

I remember seeing her in G.I. Jane, Great Expectations, voice in Antz and more recently Heartbreakers. The one film everyone always talks about i've never seen, The Graduate.

And The Winner Was, Little Miss Sunshine

2006-09-15T13:17:00.000-07:00

Yes it was that time of the week again that lovely Wednesday of Orange. Anneka dear you were just in time a couple more hours and I have been sat comfortable in the back row with my legs over the seat in front stuffing my face with sweets!

So I bet you’re asking if this week’s cinema trip was as entertaining as some of the other. Although the couple that we walked passed could not have said “oh they are going to the back row” loud enough! How the fuck did they know! We were only half way up the stairs. Nosey fuckers, I’ll sit were I like!

So we sat in the cinema, which was more like a library as it was so quite. No music no trailer. This went on for what seemed like a life time and fuck I’ve just finished my wine gums! We were giggling like a couple of little school girls! So what is it about I hear you ask?? Here’s the heads up!

Little miss sunshine is about a girl named Olive who is sweet and very funny. This little girl dreams of winning the Little Miss Sunshine contest. We follow her journey as the family franticly try’s to get Olive 300 miles across state to enter the competition in California. To say the journey goes smoothly is an understatement! With a motivational speaker, suicidal uncle, a fanatical follower of Nietzsche, and a Grandfather with a habit and no, it’s not going down the local bingo hall. You’ll have a few laughs during the 102 minutes taken from you r life.

Don’t even get me started on the Little Miss Sunshine contest! PG will know what I mean WTF??? I’m sure you can take the meaning of the movie away with you when you watch it!

Watch the trailer HERE it’s so funny!

Hey I left out the mom! Toni Collette, she was fab!

My Lost Week Of Bloging

2006-09-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

What it is to have a social life and work at the same time! Normal these things do not coincide at the same time. However over the last week or so I’ve been very busy. Often bored and complaining I have nothing to do, which really is entirely my own fault!

So Monday saw the 21st Birthday of my friends. Yes I know your thinking what does this have to do with me not posting for a week! Apart from the fact that every time I was going it was like the middle of the night an I was very tired and really only managed to write a few e-mails. Once again I’m rambling about nothing! Okay so here is a summary of what NRM has been up to.

Thursday
Working - WTF? Yes I was working, shock horror. Well I don’t know if you call standing in the corner for most of the day photocopying working!

Friday
Again I was at work, more of the same. This was then following by pre-birthday drinks 3 days early after work.

Saturday
Work again, this was a pretty crap day, we had a new person start, and about three weeks ago we had another! Also birthday girl took the weekend off. Why do you have to work with retarded people??

Saturday evening is what I’m talking about a limo ride around my home town with several bottles of champagne consumed. I was just practicing for when I become famous! The was part two of Birthday celebrations.

Sunday
Day of rest! Except I had to work again! WTF? I was feeling very mean this day. One of the new kids was late again. I made him feel bad and also made him work!

Monday
Work yet again! When will it end? Cast your eyes back to Thursday’s entry! Also the retarded old cow that works with us tried to make me look stupid in from of others. That was soon rectified when she needed my help and I refused.

Monday was my friend’s birthday! Happy 21at dear! After work was followed with a nice meal in a posh restaurant in which I enjoyed salmon fishcakes and more champagne!

What Film Shall I Watch??

2006-09-11T15:32:00.000-07:00

The Wicker Man
A sheriff investigating the disappearance of a young girl from a small island discovers there's a larger mystery to solve among the island's secretive, neo-pagan community.

Right At Your Door
A dirty bomb goes off in Los Angeles, jamming freeways and spreading a toxic cloud.

Little Miss Sunshine
A family determined to get their young daughter into the finals of a beauty pageant take a cross-country trip in their VW bus.

Lets thank the lovely people at IMDb for giving us this lovely information! I would make a poll, although i don't know how! Also i will have an update on why i've not been about for the last week.

WFT Moment number 3: Retarded Old People

2006-09-06T12:02:00.000-07:00

No most of you are probably already thinking WTF right? NRM loves old people! This is true! However I also dislike retarded old people, mostly the one that works with me. However I’m not going to talk about her today! Those of you that visit will know who I’m talking about! These of you that don’t, I’m too lazy to tell you!

So I thought it would be nice to walk to town on a warm sunny day. During the walk you can take a slight scenic rote, which for some unknown reason has been block off by park staff with. Now let my just stress a BIG FUCK OFF METAL FENCE! Even if I was feeling in the mood I doubt I could climb it, unless a knifed crazed man, just not to be sexist here or women!

Why the hell do two old people with a dog and walking sticks have to poke there noses in and have to open the first gate and then if for some reason be stunned by BIG FUCK OFF METAL FENCE as if someone had just placed it there! They then took a couple of minutes discussing what might be the reason for the fence! Just a guess, to keep nosey fuckers like you out! They then rattled the fence and said “oh it’s blocked off” WTF?? And to think that my hard earn taxes are going to these sorts of people as part of there pension! I should get to choose which old people I want my taxes to go too! Like the sweet, partly blind lady that comes in our shop!

Happy 33rd Bithday Rose McGowan

2006-09-05T04:56:00.000-07:00

I like this girl ever since the days of Scream 10 years ago. I can still get my weekly fix of Rose from Charmed, although that is rapidly coming to a halt as it’s the last series they are ever making.

So I’ve been doing a little research and found the she is staring in The Black Dahlia. Which is an adaptation of James Ellroy's 1940s-set novel about two L.A. cops who head up the hunt for the killer of fledgling actress Elizabeth Short.

This film was the opener of the 63rd Venice Film Festival and also stars Scarlett Johansson and Josh Hartnett. The two are said to be dating now. I can’t help but think they both need to boost the takings a little. I have to say I like all three of these lovely people, also Hilary Swank is in it. So it’s got to be a must see! It’s out on the 15th September here and in the U.S.

Company cutbacks!

2006-09-03T14:05:00.000-07:00

This week it was the turn of Severance which was good even though I didn’t really like it! So what was it about I here you ask?? Well let me tell you! A lovely bunch of European workers have been rewarded with a team-building weekend! Thank the lord our company is not so generous, although it can afford to pay for managers to take a little trip to St. Lucia. So I’m really contradicting myself or what! Put it this way it we all went on a trip, who would open the shop!

This lucky bunch of people are promised a luxury hotel, but instead they end up at this fuck off great big old house thing! Which some intelligent sole pointed out “this is no luxury, newly built hotel” They later exchange scary stories, which may or may not have some truth to them. Let’s just say not everyone returns back to the office on this occasion.

So it really wasn’t that bad, it was just the big fuck off suspense thing that they had going throughout this movie which I didn’t like! Give me Scream, Texas chainsaw massacre any time! I really have not problem with them! If you like a Comedy/Horror/ Thriller then this is the movie for you, It’s also a British movie with a few laughs along the way! This is more than likely a really shit review, due to the fact I would normally give the plot away!

Check the trailer out HERE

What Color Is Your Aura?

2006-08-30T07:25:00.000-07:00

Your Aura is Green

You're very driven, competitive, and even a bit jealous. However, you seek out balance in your life - and you usually achieve it!

The purpose of your life: inspiring others to be better. Famous greens include: Tony Robbins, Donald Trump, Martha Stewart. Careers for you to try: Guru, CEO, Talk Show Host

What aura are you?

for some reason i like quizzes, so here is another. This was very hard as i could have picked a couple of different answers fpr a couple of the questions.

WTF Moment No. 2

2006-08-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

It’s funny the things you pick up when you listen to someone else conversation. Not that I do that sort of thing what so ever! I mean why can’t someone say I’m a multimillionaire and single! Don’t anymore your not! Thus my future plans could be put into action!

Upon walking past a couple of giggling women one of them said while cupping her breasts “I’ve got boobs I do” no shit bitch! The other women just laughed.

Also there was this other guy happily walking along stroking a feather and laughing to him self. I hate to think what he had planed with that feather! I just don’t understand where these people come from!

Stay tuned for “nasty gypsy type lady” not to be confused with nasty gypsy on “snakes on a plane” how ever it could be the same one who knows! Also coming up, “retarded old people” And if anyone has a lovely story they would like to email me then I can out that up! Don’t all rush at once will you!

Madness At The Cinema

2006-08-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

Why is it every time I go to the cinema there are always crazy people that have to freak you out not to mention the countless other annoying other people.

Before I start with my tale about the crazy in my cinema last week I would like to tell you what I thought of the film snakes on a Plane. This quote is stolen from a friend. This is exactly what I thought of it.

“Wasn't Snakes on a Plane bizarre?!?!? In a quasi-gross but definitely watch-able sort of way?! It was dumb, but entertaining. I've got to give it that.”

Okay back to the cinema. All was fine as my friend decided to get the tickets during the day, due to fear then it might have sold out. That was not the case as we seemed the only one’s in the entire cinema. There was even enough staff to out number us! It normal works out this way that we get the pick of the cinema and the fucking weirdo had to sit six rows in front of us all on his own.

So what makes you think he is a weirdo, I hear you ask?

1) He’s on his own (although there are exception to this rule)
2) He moved a number of times to different seats.
3) He put his bag on the seat behind.
4) He kept fiddling with his bag which was on the seat behind.
5) He kept hiding behind the chair facing us playing “peak a boo” like a child.
6) He also kept swaying from side too side facing us doing snake like movements.

There was also this other time were this man kept moving about from seat to seat leaving the cinema. Maybe he had a weak bladder. At one point he fell of his chair and did not get up for several minutes and then left the cinema for good. At the point of him falling off the chair possible dieing my friend and I proceeded to laugh. Let it be a warning to you if you go along we are more than likely not to see if you’re okay! Anyway he got up and left so he must have been fine. Also there were other people closer so they could have checked him out!

Snakes On A Plane

2006-08-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

So I’m guessing you don’t really need me to go into any detail about when the film is about! Okay so I will! Randy sex crazed snakes which have a desire for human flesh. And no its no a porn film, although several snakes get a bit of action in the film.

Sex crazed snake no.1 I like Breast

What can I say this was a slippery little number, with stripes to die for! Our fist snakes it’s fair too say was a lesbian. No beating around the bush with this one, strictly a breast lady! She was the first snake to join the mile high club! I think this snake bite off more than she could chew!

Sex crazed snake no.2: I like dick

This one was a little on the gay side. He was a little more adventurous than the other, holding in a dark secret. He likes nothing more than a golden shower before it bits someone manhood. The way the guy was tugging at the snake I think he got more pleasure than the snake did!

Sex crazed snake no.3: I like Pussy

This snake was a hot little number, which chose a gypsy type drink women who was asleep to have its first sexual encounter. It’s fair to say this snake liked lady garden as it went straight in for the kill and ended the session with a bite to the eye. I don’t know who liked it more the gypsy women or the snake! My monies on the gypsy women!

I also have a story about some crazy guy in the cinema which I’m holding out on you! So what have we learned from this?? Never fly on a plane with snakes unless you dig that sort of thing!

Are You Right or Left Brained?

2006-08-22T05:57:00.000-07:00

You Are 50% Left Brained, 50% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

I don't really know what to say about this! Just that fact that i must be so much more talented that anyone else, I had to be split down the middle! Or is it simplythat I have the most random thoughts! Any ideas please tell! I have a strong feeling that someone I know will come up with the same thing!

The World Is A Scary Place

2006-08-21T10:32:00.000-07:00

WTF is up with people?? I checked my calendar and found that there was no full moon present this week so there was not real reason the streets should be lined with crazy people. NRM was proven so wrong when he walked into town.

Okay so I thought it would be nice if I walked into town to meet my mum for dinner. Along the way I encountered Five WTF’s, two cyclists, some student person, a gypsy type lady and two weird women and another student type. So a flash of inspiration has just come to me and I think I will turn this into a feature! So I will hold out on you with the other WTF’s. Contain yourselves this title used a vast amount of brain power.

Counting Down The Days New Feature “WTF Moments”

WTF number 1: Cyclists

Okay so these people looked pretty normal, a man and women combo. The guy had tattoos on his upper left arm and the woman was skinny as hell.

Cyclists1: It’s a strange feeling.

I bet your thinking the guy is talking about some sort of kinky sex game right! Either that or he just took a bunch of pills!

Cyclists2: I really don’t like guns, I just don’t like them!

WTF? Why the hell are these seemly normal people talking about guns! By the sounds of it they must have handled them! I tell you people of today!

Lady In The Water

2006-08-17T11:45:00.000-07:00

This week it was the turn of “Lady in the Water” staring Paul Giamatti and Bryce Dallass Howard. I can’t say I recall either of these guys although when I looked Bryce up she had been in “The Village” that must have been the reason I liked her in this.

I’m giving you this picture because the other one looks like its set in the middle of winter and something out of “The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe” View other picture here.

Now I had seen the trailer for this, weeks ago and thought it would be a good film to watch but forgot all about it until last weekend when I read a review that only gave it two stars possible one! So I wasn’t really sure how it would be.

The plot

Apartment building superintendent Cleveland Heep (Giamatti) rescues what he thinks is a young woman from the pool he maintains. When he discovers that she is actually a character from a bedtime story who is trying to make the journey back to her home, he works with his tenants to protect his new friend from the creatures that are determined to keep her in our world.

I must say I was pleasantly surprised, there is enough to keep you interested and plenty of laughs from Young Soon in the film. I thought this film was really good and you should go watch!

Here are the trailers from the UK and US. You guys in the US have a much better trailer for the film than we do! What do you think??

http://ladyinthewater.warnerbros.com/

http://wwws.warnerbros.co.uk/ladyinthewater/landing.html

My Almost Heart Attack

2006-08-16T13:05:00.000-07:00

First of all I would like to start off by telling you PG almost gave me a heart attack today! She planted the seed of doubt into my mind. After hearing about her bug story, I was obviously scared something would happen.

After coming in from the outside world I saw something out the corner of my eye. It was black and moving fast and around my foot. For all of 10 seconds I thought I might die. When my eyes homed in on the object in question my brain then told me I could stop having a heart attack. It was a very small black feather that was moving due to very strong winds. I’m sure if you saw me you would have pissed yourself.

Have I Been Black Listed???

2006-08-15T08:08:00.000-07:00

Some of you guys know the blog I Drink What? And I used to like to read this blog and comment on the goings on of Carrie and Hillary. No such luck as when I click on my link what do I get?? A lovely little box saying connect to

www.imwithsocrates.blogs.com
Protected,
Enter username and password.

WTF? Why would it do this? I’m sure it’s the fact that I’m really retarded at computers as most of you will know! I guess maybe it is something I have done! Hello I don’t touch things that I can’t fix and my normal approach is to turn off and turn on. However this time this plan does not work! Computers who would have them? Maybe I’ve even given some secret thing about my computer away? Fuck knows! Maybe I have been black listed?

Happy 40th Halle Berry

2006-08-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

Rumour has it she will do another X-men film. I hope she does, she’s great as Storm. Movies for the future Things We Lost in the Fire and Perfect Stranger.

Horse Racing

2006-08-10T12:04:00.000-07:00

NRM had a little flutter at Newmarket races last week and came away a winner! I bet your thinking I’m really rich now, are you not?? Well you would be wrong! I only won £19.80. I must say that’s not bad for my first time seems as I know fuck all about horse racing and only bet £2 on each race! So it’s really not surprising I didn’t come away with millions! Also it helps if you back a shit horse and they win! Still I was happy with my win and gladly spent it shopping the next day!

Why does that sign say "No Washing Down Here"??

Is This A Proper Post?

2006-08-08T12:49:00.000-07:00

I’m feeling very lazy and can’t really be bothered to write a proper post. I’m tired, sunburnt down one side and been doing lots of manual labour (chopping down tress’s yet another thing to add to my CV). Also for some strange reason my right arm is hurting as we speak. So I’m not going to type for much longer.

I have a hundred different things to write and post on the internet and for some reason I’m still writing in my other blog! Madonna, Confessions Of A Pop Queen. WTF?. I also wanted to thank my friend Deb who has typed and colour coordinated a very long e-mail for me to tart up my MySpace, I would like to thank you for doing this and at some point, only my brain knows when I’ll make it look shiny and new!

See I can’t even think of a decent title!.

NRM To The Rescue

2006-08-07T08:39:00.001-07:00

Forget the RSPB, NRMPB (Nothing Really Matters Protection of Birds). Yes fans I can now add another skill to my CV who would have thought I would be saving birds! Just look at this sweet cat, you just couldn’t believe that this kitty would attempt to take another’s life!

It was a hot and sunny morning when NRM decided to take a stole in the garden. He was startled by Rosie zooming passed with what looked like something in her mouth. On closer inspection NRM could see it was a baby bird.

Rosie thought she was being clever by hiding under a table, little did she know NRM was sneaking up behind her. After dropping the baby bird, Rosie was about to inflect yet more wounds on the poor scared little one. Quick to react NRM gave Rosie a gentle kick up the bum, forcing her to run out of the way. He scoped up the little bird which was shaken from its ordeal and clearly in shock.

NRM Checked the wings of the little one were in full working order and all seemed fine apart from one or two feather falling out! Walking up the garden to find a safe place, little bird took flight and landed in a near by tree. NRM Went back 30 minutes later to check on baby bird to find no sign of him. At the point we assume baby bird lives happily ever after, The End.

What American City Are You?

2006-08-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

You Are New York

Cosmopolitan and sophisticated, you enjoy the newest in food, art, and culture. You also appreciate a good amount of grit - and very little shocks you. You're competitive, driven, and very likely to succeed.

Famous people from New York: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Tupac Shakur, Woody Allen, Lots of other people!

What American City Are You?

I’ve not been to many American cities but I did love New York when vitiated for a few days. This was stolen from Joyce Davenport who stole it from someone else I think!

What’s My password???

2006-08-02T14:29:00.000-07:00

Yes friends NRM is back! WTF is he going on about! Well here is what happened nothing exciting really. Just the fact that I’m not at my normal computer as I’m taking a break in a far away land known as Cambridge and will be staying here until Sunday.

So I was given the luxury of using this computer thinking I would have not problem writing posts. I was proven wrong as I stupidly forgot I set my entire log in names and all sorts of crap to remember me on my home computer. You can just imagine my horror when I I’m typing 100 different passwords and user names and no such luck. Fuck what am I going to do? I can’t do a damn thing! So I tell my dear friend PG as if I was expecting her to come up with some clever plan to get me logged in again! I know she’s good with computers, but I’m sure she’s not mastered the art of hacking into other people’s blogs!

Well friends it came to me as if someone flicked a switch in my brain and that was that! This whole drama lasting two hours! So I’m sorry to say I’ll still be posting and you’ve not got rid of me that easily! Well I was only going to say I might not be posting that often over the next week!

At Last We Have Pirates

2006-08-01T04:21:00.000-07:00

Yes people I finally watched Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. After three pervious failed attempts remember this: Failed Pirates Mission. The second time we decided to watch the film it was Britain’s hottest July day ever. In fact this is the warmest July on record, now we are in August we seemed to have entered Winter 4 months early!

The third attempt was last week on the second hottest July day ever, in which I found out the air-con was broken at the cinema. With a notice saying it might be slightly warm. Which really means the temperature will be around 38 degrees Celsius and you will be sweating like a pig.

Now that brings us right up to yesterday after much deliberation, my friend and I decide we should go. The film was really good, very funny and I never expected it to end like that I was still waiting for it to carry on and was really disappointed that it did end! The three stars of the film were great, Johnny as Jack Sparrow is excellent. Keira and Orland were pretty good as well.

This was all despite the fact the air-con was still broken so we were all very hot. Do someone people not know when to use deodorant?? My friend was so hot she was pouring water over her self all while I was happily munching on and throwing skittles all over the floor. What fun a Monday night can be!

A Sad Tale

2006-07-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

What is to be an American socialite and philanthropist who has partied with elite of New York society? Living your life in the luxury and donating millions every year to charitable causes. It’s another thing to find you self at the age of 104 living your final days sleeping in squalor and unable to have the proper medical care and amazingly you still have £27 million in the bank.

This friend’s is what Brooke Astor is reduced too, in need of physiotherapy and vital drugs to help battle skin cancer. Who is thought to be stopping this, Non other than her own son.

Let’s start with a bit of background. The wealth of the family stems from John Jacob, who was a son of a German butcher who then emigrated to America. Trading with native Indians he became very successful. Becoming America’s first millionaire in 1840. and with the help of his son and grandsons adding to the fortune.

The British Astors were formed due to family funds when JJ’s Grandson came to my lovely England in 1891. William kinda went a little loopy when a fortune-teller said he would die a violent death. Wanting to know what people thought of him he announced his death in 1982 but went on to live 17 more years.

Back in the US scandal was about to hit in 1909 as Williams cousin John Jacob divorced his wife and married an 18-year-old girl and touring Europe. Becoming pregnant meant they needed to return back to the states booking a place on the most famous vessel in the land Titanic which in 1912 sank. Madeleine, J.J. wife survived and gave birth in the US and named her son John Jacob. Are you with me so far??

So how has this latest scandal hit the family?? Back in 1952 Vincent Astor was head of the US family and the 10 richest man. He then fell in love With Brooke who already had money and a son Anthony. Now in her 50’s, Vincent was so in love with her divorced his second wife and married Brooke in 1953. The marriage was short lived as he died 6 years later making Brooke the head of the family. You can just imagine that, that did not go down well with the other side of the family.

This brings us to the battle Brooke face’s with her son 84. Brooke grandson filing paper’s in New York trying to get financial and legal guardianship passed to one of Brookes friends. It is thought the fall out is due to Brooke disbanding the charitable foundation left to her by her husband meaning her son is unable to take over. There is is more scandal involving her son which I will leave out as I’m already going on! If you really wanna know then I will tell you!

Brooke now is in a private hospital but still the problems continue! Sorely is this not a way she should live her last days? Her son gets £1.5 million every year being her guardian.

I just find stories like this, fascinating. Thanks for taking the time to read it and sorry it’s really long! If i had the money dear i would pay for your care.

Thanks Glenys Roberts from the Daily Mail for this story.

Extreme Weather

2006-07-26T04:50:00.000-07:00

It looks as if this heat wave is coming to an end this week with possible thunder storms today and tomorrow! Today we can expect 28 degree Celsius = 82.4 degree Fahrenheit with 47% humidity and a 7 mhp Southwest breeze. Now this is what I call prefect weather conditions.

Okay so now we move on to the storms we had on Saturday. I do love a good thunder storm that is really loud with lots of lightning, how exciting!

Let’s set the scene I was a work as I am every Saturday in my shop and it was very hot and humid with not a lot of sun increasingly dark clouds gathering. It had been trying to rain for well over half an hour when finally the heavens open up and at this point I thought I was being taken to a better place, no such luck!. I was on my lunch at the time in the safety of my staffroom when my manager came in and said have you seen it out there? We opened the fire escape door to find gallons of water overflowing all the drainages pipes.

What’s wrong I hear you ask?? Nothing at this point fast forward half an hour I was on the till and there was no one in sight. So I make the only other staff member doing nothing go on the till so I could go and investigate. Little did I know we had just had a shower installed in a little cupboard we have out the back with stock in. How refreshing you think, in this hot weather!

So I open the door to the back of the shop and find another member of staff holding the cupboard door open and my manager inside trying to rescue the stock, all the while litres of water are pouring from the ceiling making him rather wet! The water is still pouring down and running along the ceiling trickling down the lights heading towards the computer. So here we are rushing around turning off everything, mopping up water socking things up with cardboard.

So by the end of the day we got everything cleared up and dried. Please note the ceiling is made out of these tiles that are really shit and stink when they are wet! Sorry for the crap story I could go on by I’m sure you don’t want to read page and pages of the great flood! I also managed to stay completely dry throughout this ordeal while the others got soaking wet! We had 1.6 inches of rain in a couple of hours.

For some reason you have no pictures as blogger is being retarded or that could be me!

Mad About Harry Potter

2006-07-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

A few of you said you liked Hermoine Granger like me so here is your chance to find out if you are really like her and what house you would be put in. Ther are hundreds of these tests, I don’t know which ones are good so I’m going with these, if they are good enough for me, they are good enough for you! Okay so here are the two quizzes I did find another charter one but that had over 100 questions! I really don’t have the time and I bet nether do you!

Okay my friends i was Hermoine Granger and would have been put into Hufflepuff. What did i do wrong i so wanted Gryffindor!

http://www.matthewbarr.co.uk/harrypotter/

http://www.thealmightyguru.com/reviews/harrypotter/docs/quiz-house.html

To find out what happened in the evil plan click HERE.

Happy 17th Birthday Daniel Radcliffe

2006-07-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought that Daniel Radcliffe is 17 today! I must admit that I thought he was older maybe 18, I know that’s only a year be it seems like he been around for years. So the next Potter film is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix . It would seem the film is set for release for 13th July UK and USA. My favourite of the film had to be Hermoine Granger, who is yours??

Evil plan

2006-07-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

Apart from the fact that I’m very mean anyway it’s also nice to be mean to other people. You can get some good results! Working in a shop from time to time we need to order things that we don’t stock.

This mean trick has been going on for years; you fill in an order form out as if a customer was buying a product. Of course at this point you need to think of some funny name that the retarded old lady (Remember this) that works in our shop will call us up and ask for that person! At this point I bet you are thinking surely she knows the number of the shop! Well we have three different lines of course.

So today Deb and I decided to order some lovely red parker ink and came up with the following names! Mike Hunt and Ivanna Hupmalot. Hope I spelt that right! There are however a few problems with our plan, when we answer the phone we have to say our store name although this does not stop said person from trying to get the person she needs! So all we need to do now is tell our manager to answer the phone with out saying our shop name! Please note this works almost every time! Stay tuned you will find out on Monday, well maybe Tuesday if I’m lazy!

EDIT

People I’m afraid the mission failed due to a number of reasons.

1) Order came in early (WTF it always comes in at lunchtime!)
2) Said person did not look at the order
3) Some other staff member almost rang the number!

Fear not we still have another order to come in. I will keep you posted!

One A Little Hot

2006-07-19T13:31:00.000-07:00

The Queen had a garden party on the 18th of which I was unable to attend due to other arrangements. Looks like I made a good choice as 39 palace goers fell pray to this heat wave and were treated for heat exhaustion.

Currently over here in our lovely country we have a hosepipe ban in place and a long list on what you can and can’t do with our water! The Queen is clearly unhappy with the hosepipe ban, pointing at the lawn as she told one guest "Have you seen my garden? It's just like this. We're only allowed to water the flowers.”

I say you would have thought as out earth is coved half in water. Is that right?? I can’t remember and really don’t want to look it up! Also what with the polar caps melting, again fresh water I think! I may just be talking a lot of crap! Anyway why not ship some ice over here and fill our reservoirs with it. Problem solved! There just melting and it will save the sea level rising and a “The Day After tomorrow” style disaster happening!

On a complete random note, I have just run out of “Hollywood Smile” toothpaste at £4.49 ($8) a pop I must be crazy!

Things Are Heating Up

2006-07-18T13:19:00.000-07:00

We are yet again amongst another heat wave here in Britain with tempters set to reach a record 102f tomorrow which is pretty hot this side of the ocean. PG I wish I had your pool! At last I had a few days off with nice weather. Normally when the weather is nice, let’s see all last week and over the weekend I had to work! Finally today I had a day off and tomorrow I have another! So Thursday I will be sporting the golden face that is my profile picture! (Please note I don’t really look like that!)

Today I enjoyed a leisurely bike ride and dinner with my mum. Also I found that wearing flip flops is not a good idea when riding a bike! And I really can’t be bothered to write any more, over and out! Also no picture today.

The End Is Near

2006-07-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

You thought I was about to say I’m not blogging any more. No such luck, I’m talking about “The OC” yes tomorrow sees the last two episodes on T4. Just my luck it works out that I have to work this Sunday. So that means I will miss it. Then the new series of Charmed started straight after. I hope I make it home from work in time for that!

To make matters worse they had no OC last week when I had the day off, they just put some shit I don’t watch. PG you may be needed to fill me in at some point. Let’s take a moment and prayer. Yes that means you bitch!

Damn my broke DVD recorder and my lazy arse for not buying a new one. Right that’s it I’m off to play.com to find a replacement. Also no C.S.I:NY tonight, WTF!

Failed Pirates Mission

2006-07-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

Yes the much awaited Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is out in the cinema and what better day to see this film when you have nothing to do on a Wednesday night. All was well, the sun was shining the sky was blue so I decided to walk into town and go by the cinema tickets. Little did i know what was about to happen!

So I arrived at the Odeon two hours before as I was meeting a friend and wanted to make sure we got seats. On the rare occasion a film is good we have to share with other people WTF? Are yes I was in the middle of a queue and the lights went out. Had a stumbled onto the set of a horror movie, was someone about to have there throat slit?? Just stay still and don’t move, its okay they are still taking money for the 7pm show. I almost reached the desk when the screen in front when dead! Don’t panic, the queue is still moving everything is okay.

So I reach the desk give the guy my Orange Wednesday’s number and pay him the money, a done deal so I thought! The computer freezes and no tickets, following this, lots of confusion happened with people asking questions and the retarded people behind the counter not knowing what to do, until a trusted manager came from out the back. Err sorry we have some problem with the electrics and the electricity board need to come out and fix this. What do you mean?? You’re still showing the film right? I just paid! No such luck I was given my money back and had to break the bad news to my friend who was devastated. So we decided to go to the put stuff our faces with chips and then order desert. All my friends fault of course, I really wasn’t hungry, about a days worth of fat was consumed with an hour or so. Join us next week and find out if Deb and I make it to the cinema!

All Work And No Play

2006-07-11T13:33:00.000-07:00

What a lovely day it is today the sky is blue and then sun is shinning and I never work on Tuesdays. What I hear you ask is wrong with this situation??? Only the fact that I had to go on a training course with my manager! Okay so my manager is really nice which is not the problem, he even took me to the place.

Being someone that has power I was forced to go on this adventure to learn about our lovely new till system which will make things a hell of a lot easier. Having said that I can just image the problem certain people are going to have with this new technology.

The day started off with us ariving half an hour late even though we live the closest to Milton Keynes. If fact the training session was in the centre:MK. WTF! How mean is that?? I didn’t even get to shop!

So there was about 16 of us all sat around these hi-Tec tills while someone explain how they worked. This was really rather boring but had to be done, I just wanted to be left alone to play with them as I’m sure I could have learnt most of it in half the time! We had lunch around 1:30 just at the time I discovered I had blister on both my ankles. How the hell do you get blisters from sitting down all day?? So I had to run to boots which was at the other end on the centre and fond a toilet as I was about to piss my self. Thus coming back from lunch late with everyone waiting for me!

The course went on for what seemed like hours really only an hour. I was so tired I kept yawning throughout and had a throbbing headache. I’m glad I’m home I think I will pop some pills and watch the last episode of C.S.I. Hey it wasn’t such a bad day I got a day off normal work!

More Stupid Things

2006-07-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

It’s a shame these days you have to be subjected to stupidity around you just the simplest of things is sometimes hard for people to grasp! Okay so I’m not talking about those people that can’t use computers, believe it or not I’m really not that good!

Again this will come as no surprise but this is another thing the retarded old cow (ROC) that I don’t know came out with. Remember this and this. So this one is a little old but I thought I would share it with you anyway! Let’s set the scene, old confused biddy rings up asking about a label maker.

Biddy: Hello, do you sell those label machines that can be used with computers???

ROC: Err, yeah we do, you can make all your own labels and everything!

Biddy: Really how does it work???

ROC: Err, is you computer PC compatible??

Biddy: (really confessed at this time) what do you mean, how do you print from it??

ROC: You use the computer hook up cable that comes with it!

I really can’t recall what happened after that, needless to say no one ever came in! Can’t think why!

Also the other day this hideous looking creature came in, clearly been eating more than her fair share of pies and wearing this pink monstrosity that was 10 sizes too small. You can image the support she needed on top and well let’s face it more cloth to cover her belly. It turned out she wanted some sort of sticky things which was decided glue dots would be the best thing. You will never guess that someone came out with?? They are little dots of glue. Of course I instantly thought what a stroke of genius.

Happy 38th Jorja Fox

2006-07-07T13:32:00.000-07:00

I wish I could be a C.S.I like Joyra! You get to parade around in your own cloths looking as if you own the place, Wait I think I might do that now! They do make it look very cool. You just turn up, take a few photos and sample. Then it's back to the lab, have a sit down while someone else does all the work then go back out and bring the fucker that killed someone in for questioning! All in a days work! Check the picture, someone got the art of waving like the Queen.

What's My Countries Flag???

2006-07-05T11:33:00.000-07:00

Oh what it is to be a fifty something retarded old cow who likes nothing more than bitching about everything and talking about the most vulgar of things. This person of course who I don’t know also comes out with the most stupid of things, who would have thought! Now I’m not saying all women of that age are like this, far from it. I’ve meet some really nice no so retarded people in this blogging world who have lots of talent! When I put it like that it kinda sounds wrong doesn’t it??

Okay let’s set the scene, as most of you know I work in a shop and as the world cup is on at the moment someone thought it would be a good idea for us to sell the England flag! Which sadly we have no need of it now. So this conversation took place between my sister and the unknown.

Unknown: Why do we sell these stupid flags away? It’s not even our flag anyway! Ours is the Union Jack.

My Sister: OMG you’re so thick that’s St George’s flag the England flag. How retarded can you be?

Unknown: Oh I don’t understand, the Union Jack’s our flag.

To think that they go on about the young these days knowing nothing! Foe those of you that don’t know, a little history!

Union Jack is the national flag of the United Kingdom. It depicts the union of England, Scotland, and Ireland through a combination of their respective heraldic emblems: the cross of St George, St Andrew and St Patrick. Wales was already joined to England by the Act of Union in 1536, so was not separately represented on the flag.

Please note all members of this story were born in England! For some reason I also put, well did put Union Jake! Can’t think why! Lucky I read over my work this time!

Th U.S loves Fans

2006-07-03T12:55:00.000-07:00

Here in England we are enjoying some rather nice sunny warm weather with temperature reaching 30/32oC and as you Americans say high 80s early 90s. Okay so I’m getting to the point, I really don’t want to sound mean in the way I say this but you Americans can’t take your heat! Well neither can some English!

Living in a fabulous town such as I do we get lots of American student and visitors over the summer and about a million of you came in my store today and brought loads of fans so much so my area manger went to another store stole them, brought them to us. No sooner had we brought them into the store and check them in a pile everyone was hovering around as if I just taken freshly baked cookies out of the oven.

Okay so I know that all you guys have pools, air-con in your homes. So you must miss it when you come over here and find that we have a heat wave! I also had a few staff members moaning how hot it was and switching on any fans that we’ve not sold. I’m so hot. It’s so hot in here, this heats not good for my ankles. You can’t win can you, we moan when its hot and we moan when its cold. Maybe I’m just abnormal, I really like the hot weather and rarely get over heated. Having said that I miss my cousins pool in Maryland. So I’m really chatting a load of crap as you can see. All these Americans remind me of my long lost friend, you know who you are!

A Little Sad

2006-07-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

This current location is very nice this time of year as you can imagine. I take this walk most days into work, well its better than going on the bus! There is a sense of sadness the last two mornings as a 15 year old boy drowned in the river on Thursday. Read more HERE.

This part of the river is known as 'the Rollers', which many a young children play around this area and in the river. Even though everyone tells you don’t play in the water we all do, something in fact I did with my friends when I was younger.

The Lake House Full Report!

2006-06-29T12:59:00.000-07:00

Yes it was Wednesday and yes I did go to the cinema. Let me first tell you that me and Deb the one with the orange phone! Are turning into moaning old people! We moaned about the fact that they are putting the bus prices up, well on Debs bus not mine! Ha Ha. Once in the cinema the very fact you have to be very rich now days to buy popcorn and stuff. Well enough about that, let’s talk about the film.

The Lake House, what a really good film it was funny, sad almost brought a tear to my eye. Something you understand does not happen very often as I’m always being told how mean I am. Of course you get the silly little bitches that like to sit at the back of the cinema and talk and moan about the film, I have to say they were okay during the film mostly and you did not really notice them. I had thought about throwing my sweets up at them, but I’m not wasting £3/$5 worth for the little you get. Having sad that the satisfaction I would have got would have been worth it!

If you are a fan of Sandra Bullock then this is a must see. What a really good performance very moving and Keanu Reeves was not that bad either. For some reason Mr Reeves has aged 10 years since doing the Matrix films maybe more make is needed? As his brother say’s in the film, you look like shit. Okay I’m really sorry I don’t really have a problem, I guess it was all part of the film. Anyway check the official site out and look at the trailer!

Happy 58th Birthday Kathy Bates

2006-06-28T05:25:00.000-07:00

Kathy is from PG’s homeland of Memphis, Tennessee. Are you long lost friends??? I last was Kathy in “Failure to Launch” which was very funny and something to watch on a rainy day!

So it’s that time of the week again where I’m off to the cinema. This time it’s “The Lake House” with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reevess. I have to say I like Sandra she can be very funny and I have seen so many of her movies.

Okay what is it about I here you ask??? Well you can click HERE the official site can tell you more, enjoy. They even have a little clip for you!

I'm Rich, Well Almost!

2006-06-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

Okay my lovely American friends can you tell me if this is real??? You would make me real happy. So a Mother and daughter combo have been coming in my shop over the last few days buying various things, returning them and buying more stuff. Then on Friday the daughter gave me this. Okay so I know it’s not real, but it’s always been a dream of mine that someone will come in and give me a lot of money. Can you even get a million dollar bill?? And if so is it thicker than the regular $1???? How cool would that be if it was real??? Sorry for the crappy picture!

Shameless Self Promotion

2006-06-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

Okay so I went a little crazy today and decided to start a blog to show my love for Madonna. Don’t ask why, well my brain knows but for some reason it’s keeping it from me! So if you have a minute to spare take a little look. Maybe it won’t last long and I will get shoot I think it will be too much work oh well I can all be try! Why oh why did i do this??

http://madaboutmadonna.blogspot.com/

On another note Happy 39th Birthday Sherry Stringfield. Why did you leave ER??? Please come back in the next season, you left before and came back! Maybe agin??

P.S do you like this salmon colour?? Better to read or not?? Okay I’ll chut up!

A Few Things

2006-06-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

So I just wanted to say Thank you to all you guys that come and visit my blog. I’ve been blogging for just over a month now and it seems a lot longer. Like I said I’m real grateful to you for leaving comments. I only wish I could give back the lost minutes you have wasted reading my rubbish! I would also like to thank the random that made this card I don’t know who you are as I can only read English and very little else. So it’s not my fault!

On other new I want to wish Meryl Streep a Happy 57th Birthday and congratulate for her part in Prime which I saw last month which was very funny or was it early this month? Can’t be bothered to go back and look.

So the movie of choice was Thank you for smoking. Which really I shouldn’t as it’s a really nasty habit, but I don’t need to go on about that! I have to say I did like it and it was quite funny. Maybe that was more to do with the random people in the cinema laughing at different parts to everyone else, why do they do that??? So who should crop up in the movie? Katie Holmes, I have to say I don’t mind the girl pity her maybe cus she’s done a dumb thing and had a baby with Tom cruise. Also with a cameo role was Adam Brody AKA Seth Cohen from the OC. All in all it was a good movie!

What Sall I Watch???

2006-06-20T10:44:00.000-07:00

Okay so tomorrow is Wednesday just in case you guys forgot, thank goodness I’m here to remind you! That means its orange Wednesday click here if you have no idea what I’m on about! So what film shall I go see with my friend???

Poseidon: On New Year's Eve, the luxury ocean liner, Poseidon, capsizes after being swamped by a rogue tidal wave. The survivors are left to fight for survival as they attempt to escape the sinking ship.

Thank you for smoking: Satirical comedy follows the machinations of Big Tobacco's chief spokesman, Nick Naylor, who spins on behalf of cigarettes while trying to remain a role model for his twelve-year-old son.

Hard Candy: A mature 14-year old girl meets a charming 32-year old photographer on the Internet. Suspecting that he is a paedophile, she goes to his home in an attempt to expose him.

Happy 76th Birthday Gena Rowlands

2006-06-19T12:54:00.000-07:00

Okay guys you may have noticed that I have a soft spot for old ladies. Someone please explain why?? Another thing I really hate it if old ladies get murdered in horror films and babies and young children anyone else can just off it, I’m not bothered unless it’s one of my adoring fans then I would be upset. Only for the fact that you will be unable to leave me messages again! Only joking!

Health Warning

2006-06-17T12:21:00.000-07:00

Let me first start off by saying don’t believe anyone who says riding a bike is good for you. Well not when you think you have recovered from a cough/cold. Being the kind hearted person that I am I decided to rid my bike and see my Nan last week.

I only reached 300 metre from my house barely even a min had passed. When I felt this pain in my chest and started to have a coughing fit along a busy road. I must say it felt as if one of my lungs had collapsed. Not wanting to die in the middle of the road I carried on regardless of the out come, which as you can tell I survived my ordeal so I’m afraid you will have to keep coming back, sorry.

So I was fine once I arrived at my Nan’s and helped her about the house and garden. I tell you its hard work running after, nearly century old Grand parents and what with my Nan’s obsession with cutting things down in the garden; I have a job keeping up.

Feeling rather ill by the time I got home I was happy to hit the Champagne and pills. Thought it was only right I die sitting in the sun getting a tan. Okay so I had a lack of Champagne and pills, lucky I used sun lotion or I would have been burnt to a crisp!

Happy Official 80th Birthday

2006-06-15T12:03:00.000-07:00

Yes my friend the Queens celebrates her official 80th birthday today read more here. I was so please when back in May the Queen came to visit me. However I could only but wave to her on this occasion as she drove passed looking pretty in pink! Well if you read the article I said about it tells you why the Queen has two birthdays. So does that really mean the Queens real age is 160?? Looks good no??? Just think two sets of presents and birthday cake what more could you want??

Feminine Problems

2006-06-14T07:06:00.000-07:00

Feminine problems such a hard thing to talk about! What do you do when you have a problem and you have no one you can talk too? Well fear not I have found the solution for you lovely ladies. I could hardly believe my eyes when this leaflet came through the door. Now all your problems can be solved.

Scaredy-Cat

2006-06-12T06:01:00.000-07:00

It must be great to be a young black bear of 15 stone, you can roam about in the outback snacking on whatever food you luck. Trample down shrubs and scare passers by, frightening the living daylights out of poor little children. However there is one thing you must never do. What I hear you ask? I was suspired to find this out as well.

Never enter Jack’s yard. Who is Jack?? Sorely he must be some 12 foot scary monster capable of maiming anything it its path. Well he is none other than a 15lb ginger tom capable of hissing and spitting at poor defenceless young bears, forcing them to climb 50 feet up a tree. Clearly patrolling the area awaiting his victim to starve to death and fall out the tree. Getting a little bored the bear saw his chance, climbed down to escape. Jack being the professional bear killer did not want him to get away forcing the bear to climb yet another tree. On lookers were stunned, barely able to control themselves at the thought of a live slaughter. Tom’s owner was the only one who could save the bear, rattling a tin of chunky roast beef whiskas. Tom was unable to resist the small and ran back into the house. Thanks The Mail on sunday.

I’m so fucking bored

2006-06-10T08:43:00.001-07:00

I have now been off work for six days now and I’m really bored and can’t be bothered to do anything. I phoned in sick Monday which prompted my manager to give me another four days off work so I don’t have to go back until Thursday. Which is good as I never take any holiday and the weather here in England is lovely at the moment.

Everything is such as effort at the moment and I really can’t be bothered to do anything. I have no energy what so ever and need some new clothes which spending money on your self is always a good thing right! All I have been doing this past week is sitting out in the sun and surfing the daisy highs of the net stalking my favourite Celebrities.

I need some lovely rich person to come along and taken me on an adventure, LA perhaps! I don’t really care who it is, I just remember to pack a few antipsychotics just in case of an emergency then I’m all set! Any takes???

Happy 25th Bithday Natalie Portman

2006-06-09T02:31:00.000-07:00

Happy 73rd Birthday Joan Rivers

2006-06-08T06:45:00.000-07:00

Work Sort Of

2006-06-07T08:10:00.000-07:00

After weeks of putting up with endless different sounds of drilling, banging and crashing about, clouds of dust. The builders have finally finished widening the pavement and giving it a much needed facelift. So this is what we have been putting up with, okay so you are thinking WTF this is nothing to moan about! Just look at the right hand side and imagine than being all over the doorway all down the street! No! Okay forget about it then.

Yes my friends this is the finished piece of work a master piece. So with nothing more exciting happening in our lives, it was only right we gaze into the street watching the world go by. So here is what a fellow retarded work person had to say:

RWP: Oh it’s like being in a foreign country or something.
Me: What do you mean??
RWP: It’s like you’re in the middle of the desert!
Me: If you say so.
RWP: Well the pavement looks like sand, don’t you think?
Me: Yeah okay
RWP: You kids don’t know anything these days.

Mean But Funny

2006-06-05T10:53:00.000-07:00

Let’s play a little game. Trust me it will be fun! I pissed my self laughing when I read this. A Certain someone form The OC had these lovely thoughts to say to there mother.

“You’re so f**king retarded! What idiot can’t put a f**king key in?”

“You’re so retarded! Everyone knows how to work an elevator?!"

It’s a sort of thing I would say to someone but not my mum, maybe my brother or sister. So who From The OC would say these heart warming words??? And I’m looking for the actor or actresses name.

The OC

2006-06-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

Damn I‘ve missed the last two episodes of The OC. I think they should repeat it on channel 4 not all these digital channels that I don’t own! They could put it on later in the day when I’m done with work!

Murder Diagnosis She Wrote

2006-06-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

Okay so I have come up with a few character’s for my fabulous TV show, which will have a pilot episode coming soon! Bearing in mind I have no video camera and a lack of money to pay actors you will just have to read the story and use your imagination.

So just a few characters for now:

Jester Fetcher
Dr Bark Stone
Peachy swirl
Sixty heavens

Okay so it sounds really crap, and I should really stop. But for some reason I can’t, I’m sure after I come up with the pilot and none of you visit my blog anymore I will write about something else.

Marilyn Monroe 1926-1962

2006-06-01T13:59:00.000-07:00

The circumstances surrounding her death have been the subject of endless speculation and conspiracy theories. Love those conspiracy theories. I have thought of a title of my new show! "Murder Diagnosis She Wrote" I known took me ages to think of that one! and you all feature.

Jigsaw

2006-06-01T11:35:00.000-07:00

Okay so I found this! Such a nasty looking man I did not want to post a picture so check it out!

http://www.play.com/DVD/DVD/4-/116358/Jigsaw/Product.html

Missing

2006-05-31T05:25:00.000-07:00

Missing

Name: Jessica Fletcher
Age: Very old
Location: Lived at 698 Candelwood, Cabot Cove, Maine
Last seen: Delivering some baked goods to Sheriff Tupper.

Suspect

Name: Dr. Mark Sloan
Age: Also very old
Location: Community General
Last seen: BBC 1 2.35pm

Yes I turned over expecting to see good old Jessica solving yet another murder, (all I can say is Cabot Cove must have the highest murder rate of all time!) and find Dr. Mark Sloan in her place! Not that I have anything against him you know I just wanted to see Jessica. I think they should combine the two shows, so Mark and Jessica can sole some, twisted psychotic crime. Of course I would play a part in the new show as I thought of the idea! Oh stop moaning you can have a part as well, all I need you to do is fill these questionnaires.

Are you a serial killer?
www.quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=11344&first=yes

which serial killer (from the movies/novels) do you identify with?
www.quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=89473&first=yes

Name Change???

2006-05-29T14:47:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking for sometime now that I should change the name of my blog. Well all of five minutes. This is what I was thinking, of course that might not happen. “Confessions Of You, Me And Us” Lets see what Zola has to say.

Zola: A good thing could be on the cards
Me: what do you mean???
Zola I only does one reading, now get lost!

So guys what do you think shall I change the name of my blog????? P.S you can also ask Zola for readings.

Happy 38th Birthday Kylie Minogue

2006-05-28T11:28:00.000-07:00

Have I Seen You Before???

2006-05-27T12:03:00.000-07:00

Lea Big Brother 7? Yes it’s Lolo Ferrari's twin. Lolo is not longer with us, although there is a rather sad story about Lolo’s life. And her death may not be all that straight forward.

I apologise to your retinas as they have been subjected to these vile pictures! It won’t happen again! No I can’t afford eye correction surgery for you, your just have to make do! Trust The Sun Newspaper to come up with this picture of Lea!

Sun, Sea and Sand

2006-05-26T10:56:00.000-07:00

So we are rapidly approaching the end of May and June is only days away, where I hear you ask is the summer??? That’s what I would like to know! With Prophecy Girl away on a long weekend to LA and my Manager showing us his holiday snaps of St. Lucia and the luck of sun that we are having in England at the moment, I really feel the need to up sticks in search of some summer sun! So were could I go? Italy, Greece, Spain, the south of France, Portugal. So many places and not a lot of time as I fear I only have 7 days to spend in one of these sunny locations! I would really love to go visit New York again and spend some time with my family in Maryland and of course visit LA and take a peek at the Hollywood sign! But for now I will settle for this picture of Zakynthos.

Prime

2006-05-25T11:05:00.000-07:00

The orangeness of Wednesday was hard to resist yet again as I went to the cinema with some friends this time to watch Prime staring Meryl Streep, Uma Thurman and Bryan Greenberg (one tree hill). All in all this was a pretty good film quite funny, Meryl Streep was brilliant, Thurman and Greenberg not that bad either. At just over an hour and 30 minutes I think it was a little long as parts of it felt a little slow! Having said that, I would watch it again! Well worth an orange Wednesday visit.

Murder, She Wrote

2006-05-25T10:49:00.000-07:00

I was half way through watching Jessica on her trip to Australia and a murder had ready been committed, her lawyer in fact! If seems that some great, great, great, great relation of Jessica’s left her some land! All very exciting I know! Well there were some corporate people that were after the land and some sheep loving people. Just so happens Jessica came to Australia in the nick of time as she only had one day left to claim the land!

Well I had to answer a distress call from my friends and go and meet her forcing me to miss the ending (selfish or what!) So what I don’t know is did the corporate people end up with the land?? Did the sheep loving people end up with it?? Or did Jessica’s keep the land for her self and live happy ever after?? Who murdered the lawyer?? And will I ever stop wearing my new hoodie from FCUK???

I No Longer Feel Bad

2006-05-24T03:13:00.000-07:00

Cast your minds back a few days when I said I felt bad, that feeling has long passed. After much deliberation my friend and I decided to buy a card and a little gift and go spend our 25% off in the body shop. So we went along and spent £30 between us and we don’t even shop there that often! Once in a blue moon maybe.

Don’t ask why, I brought 2 tubes of face protector with cocoa butter to soothe & moisturise at £7 a time. Mad I know! Well at lest I will have the softest skin this side of town! Maybe I’m just a sucker for money off, special offer deals! So the cosmic balance is restored and all is well until the next time I feel bad which I doubt will be any time soon.

I Need Help

2006-05-23T12:25:00.000-07:00

Okay so this is about how retarded I am about computers! I want to add a picture to my profile. Not a really one of me of course as that might scare people! So I’ve tried to do it the way they say and I always get this message “Please correct the errors below” “Unsupported image type specified (must be JPEG or GIF)” Is a jpg the same as a Jpeg or is it just me! Oh well one of these days I will figure this out! This is the picture I want. Why can’t it be as easy as posting a picture? Okay so I’ll Chut up now.