Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Hazardous Substances

So it will comes as no surprise that the workplace has stringent rules when it comes to chemicals. This is covered under the following act Control of Substances Hazardous to Health – COSHH.

This quote I give you comes direct from the retarded old cow herself regarding the word "Bleach" Yes bitches this is banned. Does anyone out there know why??? Answer on a postcard please.

According to the retarded old cow this is the reason we're not allowed to use bleach:

"We're not allowed to use bleach because someone committed suicide with it in one of the shop I expect"

So it's nothing to do with mixing it with other chemicals that makes it really dangerous then? Let me now point out we have to fill in forms based on the COSHH act telling us what we can and can't use at work.

Now this is the fucking reason we have such acts, due to the general retarded-ness of people. Also the reason Health and Safety was invented. I'm pretty sure the retarded old cow come under Health and Safety Act and should be removed with immediate effect from our shop

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The Retarded Cow Diaries (the day I woke up dead!)

My new feature, in fact the only one on this blog will be "the retarded cow diaries" I know such a clever title took me hours to think of. Just to keep you going I bring you this story.


The Day I woke up dead!

I know your're already thinking WTF?? Or maybe not! This is the retarded old cow we are talking about! One day last week the retarded old cow informed us that she woke up and had stopped breathing. She also went on to say she couldn't start breathing now that she had stopped! How her brain knew she wasn't breathing I have no idea. She then went on to say she must have thought she wasn't breathing even though she was, are you following so far??

The bottom line is if she stopped breathing she would not have been in work telling us this lovely story! Oh and if you want her helpful advise if you stop breathing even though you really are, go and see a doctor! Just a thought, how long does it take to see a doctor if you stop breathing?? Do you ring up and say: please can I have an appointment today as I've stopped breathing?? Please if you're a doctor can I have your professional opinion?

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Happy 24th Anne Hathaway

Check out Anne Hathaway in these films, The Devil Wears Prada and Brokeback Mountain.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Unfortunate Accident, Well Some People Might Say That! (Again)

Oh this Yes if there was anything that would bring a smile back to your face, this is it! The Retarded old cow is back with yet another entry on the blog. I really should rename it retarded old cow. She must have generated more column inches than anyone else.

So I know you dieing to hear what happened last week! Well she had another accident and this time I missed it but it was oh so funny. So she was granted the luxury of checking of stock and managed to get her foot caught, then twisted around and fall into a skip! This lovely picture was drawn by Debs.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Some People Are So Repulsive

Okay so it’s been a while but my fellow bloggers I bring you news of the retarded old cow. I know many of you were upset after her little fall but as I did inform you she was back with us. Now may I take this optimality to warm you with the following words: nasty, vile, disgusting, mingin, revolting, repulsive, ghastly, filthy, sordid, nauseating and repellent. Yes these are some of the words I would use to describe her with!

So the retarded old cow has been telling us for some time that after she came back from her holiday she developed a rash over most of her body! I know you don’t even want to picture it. Hey, you don’t know what she looks like so you are very lucky!

After a visit to the hairdresser the best course of action the now qualified doctor could come up with was to pee in a pot and wash that over your arms and in your hair! So today I bring you more news a direct quote from a friend who loves her as much as I do “Delivery! Mad old bat never shut up though - even when there was no one there! And she splashed her bum with pee last night. She caught it in her hand when she was on the loo and chucked it up on her arse. She's such a minger!”

I leave you with these happy thought and wish you a nice day! Feel free to google "pissing on yourself", although I have this feeling you’ll come up with some even nastier that the events above! I also though it best that I not post a picture this time around!
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